You're doing it wrong...

I was at Target looking for a Dirty Santa gift when I came across this...

Something is wrong here...

See, this is what a knight is supposed to look like:

 

...and THIS is what this kid looks like:

WTF, Target? Its not a hat. Its like they just grabbed some 12 year old kid that was waaaaay too big for the costume and shoved him in it anyway. FAIL.


~jw

Getting the f*ck out of the way

Its the newest trend! Give it a shot!

Wii Boxing is still funny

This year for Spring Break 2008, I traveled to Virginia to see my girlfriend's family. They recently purchased a Wii, and I had the pleasure of watching her Dad and her Uncle duke it out. It's painfully hilarious. Check it out!

Weird Japanese Things

Today I went with my girlfriend into a small store that only sold products imported from Japan, and found some things worth mentioning here.

Overly-Happy Floss

These little floss-toothpicks aren't weird in and of themselves, but because of the picture on the label. See the teeth being flossed? It's weird enough that they have their own faces, but the one on the left looks a little "too" happy. Kind of makes me want to be a tooth... ;-)

Happy Virus Alarm Clock

"Happy" seems to be a popular English word used to describe things in Japan. This is an alarm clock with a picture depicting a small girl saying, "Happy Virus." I have no idea where this phrase came from or what it means, so let me know if the comments if you have any idea.

~jw

Potato, Patato, Obama, Ohbama...

What does this license plate say to you? Unfortunately for my girlfriend's parents, most people see this as a sign that someone loves the democratic presidential nominee Obama a little too much. The true meaning behind this plate is much simpler and less controversial. Their daughter was trying to decide between going to Ohio State University (OH) or the University of Alabama (BAMA). They got this custom plate to show their support for both universities, regardless of her decision. Now, they drive in constant fear of republican vandals and under the constant sneers of Hilliary supporters. So is life, I suppose.

~jw

People are like slinkies

I love this because it really brings out the cynicism in my eyes. :-p


~Jw

The World's Most Offensive Hiaku

So, I was sitting around my dorm, trying to think of a new post to write (while throughly ignoring my homework) when I was struck with a brilliant idea -- The Worlds Most Offensive Hiaku. Now-a-days, curse words can be used in any part of a sentence. I mean, look at the flexibility of the "F" word. (Link NSFW)

Well, I was contemplating the many Haiku's I could write with JUST words that would be censored on PBS, when I got a call from my girlfriend to come over and help her with an essay. The Haiku's would have to wait.

After I finished helping her with her homework, we started talking and then she said something that kind of shocked me.... Her parents found my blog by Googling my name. Of course, this means that my Haiku idea is out the window. I really like my girlfriend and don't want her parents to associate me with excessive cursing. It has never really been my thing anyway.

So I have come up with an alternate solution! Post the most offensive Haiku you can think of in the comments, and the winner will get a dollar from Pay-Pal! (Side note... there must be 10 entries for there to be a cash prize, so post away.) Enter as many times as you want but leave an email address or something so I can let you know if you win!

Oh, and when I say offensive, I mean filled with curse words. No hate talk, no racial comments, etc. Just lots of cursing.

You got one week! Here's my (censored) entry!

I [freaking] love [stuff].
[Stuff] that might [perturb] people off
[Freaking] rocks my socks.

The censorship messes up the 5-7-5 thing, but you get the point. Comments won't be censored.

~jw

P.S. Free Speech! Yay!

Bottled Water

For the record, I have never bought bottled water; I have only bought bottles that came with free water inside them.

~jw

Digg Douche

I was checking digg today, as usual, when I read this shout.


What a dick. (no pun intended)

~jw

Voice Mail Contest Update

With less than four days till the end of the Voice Mail Contest left, I thought I would post a little update on how things are going. To amp things up, THE PRIZE MONEY HAS BEEN DOUBLED!

For those of you who are just hearing about this contest, here are the rules again.

• Leave the funniest, strangest, most interesting voice mail message you can! (Call via the "Call Me" button on the right. It is free and goes straight to voice mail.)
• On Monday, March 3, 2008, I will post the winner!
• To make things more intense, the winner will receive $2 (USD) through PayPal! Thats DOUBLE the original prize money!
• In order for me to contact you, where it says "Name" put your email address. Spell out the "at" and the "dot" with spaces in between, too. (If you have Paypal, put that email address so I can send you the dollar if you win!)
• Alternatively, make up a name or word and then claim it in the comments. Be sure to leave an email address so I can get back to you with your reward!
• There is no limit to the number of times you can enter, so get to it!
  

Here is the current top entry!



Get creative, guys! Good luck!

~jw

10 ways to tell when its time to buy more food

I've been putting off shopping for about a week now because I've been so busy, and I've noticed a change in my living habits. So here are the Top 10 Ways to tell when its time to buy more food!

10. You start "dieting" non-voluntarily

When you start eating so little that it is just easier to call it a "diet" than to fess up and shop, you know its time to spend the 1.50 in gas to go to Wal*Mart.

9. There is more sauce packets in your place than food

Eating at Fast Food restaurants instead of buying groceries at a store can leave you with more sauces that you know what to do with! In fact, right now I'm sitting next to a bag of Chick-fil-a's Polynesian Sauce and four packs of Arby's Sauce. Oh, and some mini A1 packets. Yummy!

8. Your friends get mad because you only visit to eat their food

My girlfriend got mad at me for this one yesterday. In her dorm they have a bowl of candy in the living room. Every time I go over there, I practically empty the thing. Now I'm banned from eating there anymore...

7. Your food becomes more "creative"

Bread in the Microwave? Almost as good as toast!

6. You have to eat from vending machines for a meal

Why go to the grocery store when you can just get a bag of chips to tide you through the day?

5. Expiration dates become "suggestions"

I love it when my roommates clean out the fridge. I just have to eat all the food I can before they throw things out!

4. You have to eat the same thing every day

Diversity is for rich kids. I will always have my 50 cent can of Spagettios and my 87 cent pizzas from Wal*Mart.

3. Those things are Ramen and Bread

Well, no more Spagettios and Pizza... :-(

2. Putting off shopping becomes a contest instead of a necessity

Its been 37 days since I last shopped! And I only spent 80 dollars when I did go...

1. When you're loosing the contest

Ok, I'll admit it. I'm freaking hungry. I guess it's time to go to the store now...

~jw

P.S. HELP BUY ME FOOD! Donate a dollar to get me some Ramen! PayPal link on the right!

Delicious Chicken feet

Last night was the Lunar Eclipse, right? So what better to do than have a cookout with a portable grill while watching the moon?

Anyway, me and some friends went to Publix to find some steak or bacon or some other delicious food to grill, when I stumbled upon this Alabama delicacy... Chicken Feet.



Ironically, the rest of the chicken was for sale right below it. Still can't find the heads... I guess there's just a big dumpster full of chicken heads behind the factory. Or maybe they become hotdogs.... Hm....

Ew...

~jw

Vend-a-scent -- A lesson in Sketchy 101

The things you find in a Mississippi gas station bathroom can be just disgusting... Check out this contraption.

Click for a larger picture!


My favorite part is that the scents are "inspired" by Aramis and Polo. Yay for off-brand!


This line is classic! "Feeling good with the scent of pleasure!" I like how the guy has something spraying out of his nose. It must be "SUPER REFRESHING" cause she looks knocked out.

Yummy. That's just sexy. ~@~ (If you're wondering, that is my emoticon for the awkward turtle.)
~jw

Mass Effect Scandal Parody Vid (NSFW)

This is a great parody of the Mass Effect scandal! Check it out! Its got some foul language, so be forwarned! NSFW!



~jw

A Valentine's Day Haiku for those whome I love (or hate)

Dear Stumbleupon...

I can't seem to stop;
Stumbling is just so fun,
I wish you could hug.

Dear Digg....

I thought it was love,
But it was really just Gas.
Digg, let's just be friends.

Dear Facebook...

At first it was nice.
Me and my friends could connect!
Applications suck.

Dear Firefox...

You have shown me that
Internet Explorer sucks,
For that, I thank you.

Dear Windows...

You used to be cool,
But Vista was a let-down.
Mac is p0wning you.

With Love,
jw

Questionable comics

Check out these crudely drawn comics. The website that is blacked out was http://you-eh.blogspot.com, but I'm considering shutting it down soon due to lack of traffic. I tried to get these published in the University newspapers, but they said no... Comment away!




~jw

EarthHour -- Epic Fail

Today I was checking my facebook account when I noticed I was invited to an event entitled "EarthHour." While I'm all for saving the Earth, this was just a bad idea. The concept was that everyone would turn their lights off for an hour. Doesn't sound that unreasonable...

The problem is that it is scheduled for 8 - 9 pm on Sunday night. That means there will be no sun. And that classes will start Monday. Yea... Anyway, check out the sad screen shots...

Click for the bigger image.


Looks legit, right? Check out how many people are missing out...



Lets put this into perspective... 500,000 people said they would do this. That same amount plus A MILLION MORE said they wouldn't. Yikes....

~jw

Long car trips produce funny cell phone video clips

Evan decides to get "Physical! Physical!" in the van on the way to Murray State University for a speech tournament. Check it out...



~jw

My Dad hates cats

Don't believe me? This weekend I took a trip back to my house to visit my family, when I noticed my Mom's cat got a new tag. Apparently she made my Dad go and get it. See?



If you can't read it, it says "Stupid." Our cat's name is now, legally, Stupid.

~jw

Alabama Limo

Mr. Galarza: Hey, did you hear about that plane crash in Alabama? It crashed in a cemetery.
Me: No, that's terrible!
Mr. G: Yea... There where twenty people on board. So far they've found almost forty bodies!

Alabama jokes. They never seem to get old. Earlier this week, on my way to class, I saw something that made me cringe. A real life Alabama joke in the making.

Luckily, I had my camera phone on hand. Take a look....






The joke practically writes itself, unfortunately. Comments?

~Jw