The World's Most Offensive Hiaku

So, I was sitting around my dorm, trying to think of a new post to write (while throughly ignoring my homework) when I was struck with a brilliant idea -- The Worlds Most Offensive Hiaku. Now-a-days, curse words can be used in any part of a sentence. I mean, look at the flexibility of the "F" word. (Link NSFW)

Well, I was contemplating the many Haiku's I could write with JUST words that would be censored on PBS, when I got a call from my girlfriend to come over and help her with an essay. The Haiku's would have to wait.

After I finished helping her with her homework, we started talking and then she said something that kind of shocked me.... Her parents found my blog by Googling my name. Of course, this means that my Haiku idea is out the window. I really like my girlfriend and don't want her parents to associate me with excessive cursing. It has never really been my thing anyway.

So I have come up with an alternate solution! Post the most offensive Haiku you can think of in the comments, and the winner will get a dollar from Pay-Pal! (Side note... there must be 10 entries for there to be a cash prize, so post away.) Enter as many times as you want but leave an email address or something so I can let you know if you win!

Oh, and when I say offensive, I mean filled with curse words. No hate talk, no racial comments, etc. Just lots of cursing.

You got one week! Here's my (censored) entry!

I [freaking] love [stuff].
[Stuff] that might [perturb] people off
[Freaking] rocks my socks.

The censorship messes up the 5-7-5 thing, but you get the point. Comments won't be censored.

~jw

P.S. Free Speech! Yay!

Voice Mail Contest Update

With less than four days till the end of the Voice Mail Contest left, I thought I would post a little update on how things are going. To amp things up, THE PRIZE MONEY HAS BEEN DOUBLED!

For those of you who are just hearing about this contest, here are the rules again.

• Leave the funniest, strangest, most interesting voice mail message you can! (Call via the "Call Me" button on the right. It is free and goes straight to voice mail.)
• On Monday, March 3, 2008, I will post the winner!
• To make things more intense, the winner will receive $2 (USD) through PayPal! Thats DOUBLE the original prize money!
• In order for me to contact you, where it says "Name" put your email address. Spell out the "at" and the "dot" with spaces in between, too. (If you have Paypal, put that email address so I can send you the dollar if you win!)
• Alternatively, make up a name or word and then claim it in the comments. Be sure to leave an email address so I can get back to you with your reward!
• There is no limit to the number of times you can enter, so get to it!
  

Here is the current top entry!



Get creative, guys! Good luck!

~jw

Win a dollar in the New Voice Mail Contest!

As you may have heard, Google has made their new website, GrandCentral, available to selected members of the public!

What is GrandCentral?

With GrandCentral, you can call pretty much anyone for free. Simply enter your number and the number you're calling, and both phones ring at the same time. When you pick up, you instantly get connected to the other listener.

If you want to leave me a voice comment or audio message, there is now a button on the right side of this page to do so. The call is set up to go straight to voice mail.

The Contest

To celebrate, I am announcing a Voice Mail Contest! Leave the funniest, strangest, most interesting voice mail message you can! In one week, I will post the top 5 most interesting voice mails left, and give the winner $1 (USD) through PayPal!

In order for me to contact you, where it says "Name" put your email address. Spell out the "at" and the "dot" with spaces inbetween, too. (If you have paypal, put that email address so I can send you the dollar if you win!) If you'd rather, make up a name or word and then claim it in the comments.

There is no limit to the number of times you can enter, so get to it!

~John Welsey

P.S. A minimum of 10 entries is required in order for me to declare a winner, so make it good!