Monday, December 17, 2007


So me and a friend visited Wal*Mart, being the Christmas Season and all, and I stumbled upon a pair of shoes. "Spinners," to be exact. They were a generic rip off of those shoes with the roller blade wheels shoved in the heel. But these where different... Take a closer look.

Notice anything off? Odd? Strange?

THE WHEELS DO NOT RETRACT. That means there is NO WAY to walk normally, unless you balance on your toes and act like a freaking ballerina. Well, before I noticed this, I had already found the biggest size they carried and crammed my feet in them. When I stood up, the first thing I noticed was the fact that the back wheel is HALF A FREAKING INCH from the heel.

Of course, as you could figure out from your Physics 101 class, that places my center of revolution at the back of my feet. Logically, the first thing that happened when I stood up was that I fell backwards. Well, maybe I suck at shoe-skating. So I decided to try and roll forward. Now notice that there are no wheels past the middle of your foot. All your weight must be toward the heel in order to roll. Instantly, the front of my shoe touched the ground and down I went again.

UPDATE: I went to Wal*mart again recently, and here is video evidence of me trying to roll around in these shoes.

Now hold on a second... Something you might not know about me is that I was a figure skater for six years of my life. I even competed in the National level for Dance with my partner Kelsey. And I just got my butt handed to me by a pair of Skate Shoes.

On our way out, I noticed that the picture on the billboard next to the shoe rack showed a kid all decked out in safety gear wearing his normal looking tennis shoes. I guess that means they expect you to dress your 7 year old in a helmet and knee pads before he (tries to) walk to school.

Wal*mart, did you even LOOK at these shoes before you shoved them out the door? Shame on you. SHAME. Please, people. Don't buy these shoes for your kids. They will cry.


P.S. If you really want, you can snag a pair at the low low cost of $20. Missed the link?